Should You Attempt to Reconcile?
Before we begin this discussion it is a good idea to ask yourself if it is a good idea to attempt to reconcile? I usually begin with an inventory as follows: 1) are there children, 2) is there domestic violence? 3) how long is the marriage? 4) what is the reason you are at this place in your marriage? 5) are you religious? These questions help me to understand and hope fully help you to understand whether marriage separation and or reconciliation is appropriate or not.
It is well known that children are always impacted by a divorce. Impact can go either way though. There can be negative or positive impact to a child, motivating and inspiring impact or depressing or debilitating impact.
Though this seems to be common sense to many, there are so many individuals who either loose focus of the priorities (should be the kids) or never had a sense of priority to begin with.
How bad is it? Is your marriage having a negative impact on your children? Will they be better off with a marriage separation or a divorce? The answer is partly the fact that children are resilient but no matter how resilient they are they still need a break or for something to allow their resilience to take hold.
Domestic violence is a horrible thing for someone to experience and endure and at times can be criminal. It is criminal and abusive for children to experience and be subjected to domestic violence. Simply put, domestic violence deprives the target person of happiness, safety and wellbeing. It is a cage with very little access to a key.
Though domestic violence is truly a reprehensible tragedy it is not a complete bar from a safe and appropriate reconciliation. It is important however to consult with an attorney AND a mental health professional so that you may receive appropriate assistance analyzing the existing domestic violence so that you may determine wether reconciliation is appropriate. Should the answer be that reconciliation may be appropriate, then a form of separation may be recommended to allow for safety, sanctity, therapy and a process of reconciliation.
How Long Is The Marriage?
This question provides perspective to what your story is, what you have experienced and what your over all situation is including your financial picture. Short term marriages have less baggage. For some in short term marriages without children, they just assume walk away before things get complex. For others with moderate to long term marriages, things are frequently more complex as people pick up things along the way like children, real estate and retirement accounts.
What Are The Reasons You Are Questioning Your Marriage?
People are unhappy for a myriad of reasons. These include anything from physical problems, irresponsibility, gender identification, sexual and affection problems, mental health, financial concerns, infidelity and domestic violence. There are many more reasons that people consider divorce and separation and each marriage is different and unique. The reason that an individual questions his or her marriage directly corresponds with the chances to correct the problem and to attempt to reconcile. Though many of the things listed above are seemingly impossible to consider as a candidate to reconcile, with the right therapist and divorce attorney, coupled with the right parties, there can be hope. And many times a marriage separation is the proper vehicle for reconciliation.
Are you religious?
Religion can play a role in the way that people view marriage separation and divorce. Religion is nothing to be ashamed of. Religion also should not be something that leads to further distress, disrespect, lack of self esteem or guilt.
A persons faith can often provide a person and a couple strength through difficult times. If you are a person of faith, no matter what religion you hold dear, remember that your faith is there to help you.
Reconciliation can be something that is easier if you have faith and religion in your life. Many times a church, synagogue or mosque will have a support group. They can refer you to some one who they have experience with. These people can be therapists, counselors, accountants, financial professionals and yes attorneys. For information about marriage and family counselors please refer to the following two links. Rachel Moskowitz. Linda Peterman.
If your lucky, your place of worship will already know about collaborative divorce! Also, many faiths disfavor divorce. This is not meant to provide any one with a guilt trip but rather it is a reason to give reconciliation a chance. If this means to try a temporary marriage separation, than why not! Also, if you know your spouse holds marriage as a sanctity especially in the religious context, you may have another reason for hope.
Why Do People Separate?
People separate for many reasons. In this article, the two primary focuses are a direction of reconciliation or a direction of divorce.
Marriage separation in the context of reconciliation is the vehicle to allow a couple to make a best effort at fixing their marriage. Marriage separation in the context of divorce is the vehicle to prepare a couple for the inevitable.
If you are separating in an attempt to reconcile, remember, this is not a time to experiment with new relationships. This is a time to give one or both individuals space and it is a time to work hard on trying to understand each other, ones self and what is interfering with ones relationship.
Marriage separation in the context of an inevitable divorce usually involves planning and transition. For this your attorney will be able to guide you.
Is Marriage Separation Right for You?
This question requires one to go through the analysis as outlined above. One should consider the question whether you are attempting to reconcile or attempting to divorce. It should be obvious that a person who is a victim of abuse or is attempting to shield children from an abuser have no choice and must separate. If someone feels that they can’t separate but who needs to do so for abuse related reasons, there are support groups that can help.
If you wish to reconcile and you feel that you have a better chance at reconciliation without separation than by all means, do not do it. Go to counseling and get your questions behind you and get on the road to happiness.
If however you or your someone is someone who needs space in order to be able to work on your marriage, than give yourselves what you need. Remember to be respectful and to listen to the needs and wishes of your spouse.
If the key to happiness for you, your children and your spouse means that a divorce is inevitable, than know that there is a reason why divorce exists. Just be sure to do it the right way. For more information about collaborative divorce, click the following link. Next Generation Divorce